Maria Vittini shares this story of her evolving feelings when her daughter came out:
It felt like my heart was being ripped apart, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t talk and I think I lost consciousness for a couple of seconds, when my daughter said, “Mom, I am gay”, at that moment, it felt like time had stopped, I felt grief, grief for the dreams that I had for her and an incredible sense of loss. At that moment, I didn’t see her as my little girl anymore, I saw her as a threat, a rival, an enemy a stranger. It was so complex that at one point I considered putting my fists up as if I were going fight her, HER, my little girl, my first born, my daughter. I remember screaming at her from the top of my lungs “How can you do this to me, how can you embarrass me, what will the family say, what the hell is wrong with you? Maybe I should be gay; maybe we should All be gay (referring to my son and I of course).
It was one of the hardest lessons in my life. Until a friend made me realize that I too had gone through a similar situation that I too had a mother who never gave me love and who acted as a sergeant. Is this what you want for your daughter? Do you want her to think you don’t love her? Do you want her to be another statistic? That’s when I said, its time to seek help is time to break the chain, so I turned to books, documentaries and anything I could get my hands on to educate my self on what it meant to be “Gay”. I can’t even begin to explain all of my emotions and it wasn’t easy getting to THIS point in my life. I went through trials and tribulations, sometimes I would cry for no reason or I would ignore her for days.
But you see there was something bigger, something that overcame my being, something so Big yet so simple. It was Love, the love I have for my child made me realize that she was still my little girl, it made me realize that no matter what, I have a forever bond with this amazing child that I carried for ten months, yes ten, not nine. Slowly but shortly I acknowledge how strong and how much courage she had for confiding in me something so sensitive and so important to her. You see I taught her to be outspoken, to question everything, including her teachers, I taught her to always stand up for herself and for her beliefs, “no matter what.” She is a reflection of me.
My daughter is gay: Do you have a problem with that?